


Finally Mending

by Finn



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Angst, Divorce, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-06
Updated: 2014-05-06
Packaged: 2018-01-23 17:50:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1574333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Finn/pseuds/Finn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Taking a closer look at Danny's relationship with and divorce from Rachel, and his getting together with Steve.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Finally Mending

**Author's Note:**

> For isle_girl808, who patiently waited for me to get my ass in gear.
> 
> All Hawaii Five-0 characters herein are the property of CBS. No copyright infringement is intended.

When Danny Williams had gotten married the first time, he had firmly believed that Rachel and he would stay together forever, forever in love.

 

It had taken him ages to write his vows, much to his brother's amusement, but not because he hadn't known what to say, what to promise. No, it had taken him forever, because all the things he had felt for Rachel had refused to be put into words.

 

What he had felt for Rachel at that time had been too big to be voiced aloud.

 

And so his vows, although there had been _so much_ he had wanted to say, had been simple.

Simple, but honest.

 

_I promise to love you. I promise to believe in you. I promise to treasure you. I promise to be yours as long as you want me. I put my heart into your hands, Rach. And I can only hope that you'll be as careful with it as I promise to be with yours._

They had been perfect.

 

They had been happy.

 

Danny didn't know when or why they had started not being careful with each other's hearts, when treasuring and love turned into arguments and shouting, darts that knew where to hit because they were together long enough to know all of each other's weaknesses.

 

He thinks, Rachel and he both are not proud of the fact that Grace was their last attempt to fix a broken marriage. He knows that they both love her unconditionally, but when they decided to try for a child, it wasn't because they wanted her for herself.

 

No, they had hoped that she would be able to glue together what was broken into way too many pieces already. But, for a few years it had seemed to work.

 

To this day, Danny doesn't know if Rachel slept with Stan because she really felt something for him then, or if she did it because she knew that it was the one thing Danny wouldn't be able to ignore, forget or forgive.

 

The end result was the same anyway.

 

 

Divorce after eight years of marriage.

 

An ugly custody battle over their daughter.

 

 

During that time, Danny gave himself one night, curled up in his parent's house with his wet face pressed into his mother's lap, asking if any of it had been real.

 

And while she stroked his mussed hair soothingly, she murmured the words he ultimately knew to be true.

 

_It wasn't a mistake. It was love, baby. It wouldn't hurt you so much now if it hadn't been._

 

 

*****************************

 

Barely one year later, it was as if the gates of heaven had opened up in answer to Danny’s prayers, giving him sanctuary and a hiding place for the tears he could no longer hold back.

 

He was exhausted and he was wet, but with his face turned up towards the cool drops soothing his hot face, he couldn’t help but finally relax for the first time in weeks.

 

Somewhere, in some church here in this city, his wife was getting married to another man.

The divorce was still too fresh in Danny’s mind. He hadn’t gotten used to thinking of Rachel as his ex-wife yet.

 

He had had to put on a brave and cheerful face while his daughter fussed over her pretty dress, all the while talking in wide eyed wonder about all the details a big, fancy, white dress church wedding entailed. All the things, Danny had been unable to give Rachel when it had been their own wedding.

 

At that time, he had thought it didn’t matter that he wouldn’t be able to fulfill her every wish as long as he gave her all his love. He had thought love would be enough to make Rachel happy.

 

It had not even taken ten years to prove him wrong.

 

His face was dripping, but it was impossible to tell tears from raindrops.

 

Rachel would never know how much he still loved her, fool that he was, but maybe it was better that way, because all that remained of their marriage now was heartache.

 

And no matter how many drops and tears fell, there was no washing away this misery he was feeling, this pain that was squeezing his heart, threatening to crush it completely.

 

Someday, hopefully someday soon, the rain, the tears, the fucking hurt and misery would be gone, and he would be able to walk in the sun with a real and honest smile on his face, with nothing to hide.

 

But till then, with his broken heart hurting and his pride rearing its ugly heart, he would stay right here in the heavy rain, where no one would be able to tell rain from tears.

 

 

*****************************

 

For some time after the wedding, it had seemed as if Rachel and he would be able to at least be civil with each other.

 

Her announcing the move to Hawaii, without consulting with him about taking his daughter to another fucking state, brought them back to square one, only with even more shouting and cursing.

 

It wasn't fair, the way she was able to take his child away from him. It hadn't been fair when the judge ruled in Rachel's favor, as if the fact that she had given birth to Grace somehow meant the she loved her more, and it wasn't fair now.

 

But life was never fair, his father informed him later, when Danny told them about his resignation and the one-way ticket to Hawaii.

 

Because Danny was leaving to be with his daughter, but they were losing their son and their granddaughter.

 

No, life wasn't fair and there weren't any fairytale happily ever afters.

 

There were only broken promises, broken hearts, and broken families.

 

 

*****************************

 

It takes some time, but after one year in Hawaii, after meeting Steve, Kono and Chin, one day he finds himself on the beach despite his grumbling about sand and sun, and realizes startled, that he is smiling, laughing, _happy._

 

This one, brief and startling moment costs him dearly though, because the volleyball Steve smashes across the net hits him directly in his face and he goes down with a shout and can feel blood gushing out of his nose.

 

But then Steve is there, faster than lightning at his side, anxiously calling his name and trying to get Danny to move his hands so he can get a look at the probably broken nose.

 

And peering up into the worried eyes of his boss, while also trying to bat away poking fingers, he thinks _Oh._

Maybe he has finally started to heal.

 

 

*****************************

 

The thing is, Steve is attractive as hell. Steve knows that he is attractive as hell. Steve also knows, that Danny thinks he's attractive as hell. And Danny knows, that Steve knows, that… well, one can get the picture, Danny is sure.

 

They are both dancing around their attraction to each other, flirting concealed by bantering, gently touches carefully hidden behind hugs and back thumps.

 

Danny knows that they'd be already sleeping together if only he gave Steve a sign. Steve is ready for whatever change in directions their relationship takes.

 

Danny is not.

 

He knows they should probably talk about it, but he can't yet and he's so grateful to Steve for not pushing the issue, although he knows that the commander inside the man probably wants to take action.

 

He can't give Steve words, explanations or promises, not yet.

 

But he can give him something. Has to, because he's afraid that not acting at all will push Steve away in the end.

 

He leaves the small, folded scrap of paper on Steve's desk, the words he has carefully written out flashing behind his eyes.

_When Rachel cheated on me, when we divorced, she left my heart broken. These days it's just battered and bruised and not very brave. Not yet. I shouldn't ask you to wait, you have waited long enough already, but I can't help being selfish. Please wait for me._

He stares through his windows into Steve's office, when the man enters and nearly starts biting his nails while waiting for him to carefully unfold the paper.

 

For a long minute there is nothing, only Steve staring at the paper, and Danny is ready to hide under his desk or whatever, but then, Steve lifts his head and his gaze unerringly finds Danny's.

 

There are so many words unspoken, and emotions Danny doesn't dare name, probably wouldn't be able to yet.

 

But what he knows, what makes his hearts swell, is the one word Steve mouths soundlessly in his direction.

 

_Forever._

 

*****************************

 

What Danny does next is painful, and in the back of his head, a small voice whispers that if it goes wrong, it could mean less to no time at all with Grace.

 

But Danny promised himself that he'd try to be brave, so he takes his heart into both hands and rings the doorbell to Stan's and Rachel's house. It's around noon, and Gracie will still be at school for a few more hours and for once, luck is with him, and it's Rachel who opens the door.

 

She's surprised, but it doesn't even take a second before worry starts to shine in her eyes.

 

"Daniel? What…"

 

"Nothing, everything is okay. I just wanted to ask if you have a minute. I'd like to… talk."

 

One elegant eyebrow lifts and she gives him a long look, but in the end, she nods and steps back.

 

She leads them to the _tearoom_ , can you believe it? and has a maid bring them something to drink.

He bites back a sarcastic comment and focuses on what he's here for. Closure. He won't get it if he starts a fight one minute into his visit.

 

They're silent until the maid has left, but not a second after the door has closed behind her, Rachel pins him with her eyes.

 

It's time.

 

 

*****************************

 

It's painful.

 

It's loud.

 

But after her shouted _Jesus Daniel, why now?_ and his equally loud _Because I need it, Rach! I need closure so I can start something new!_ it's more honest than any of their couple therapy sessions ever were.

 

He's not sure, really, what he's looking for exactly. Maybe closure is the wrong word. He's not even looking for an admission of guilt from Rachel. Maybe he finally wants the truth.

 

It takes a good hour to get past shouting and accusations, but finally they're both exhausted and slumping into their seats.

 

And it's then that Rachel says "It was mostly your job, Daniel. When we met, we were both so young. You looked good in uniform and you were witty, charming. It was so easy to fall in love with you. And in the beginning, it was fine. But when you got promoted to Detective…

 

Your working hours became even more erratic, you started bringing work home with you. You had all these nightmares about the homicides you worked and I didn't know how to help you with that. And then, the first time you got shot…"

 

She reaches up to wipe a tear away and looks to the side, while all he can do is stare at her.

 

"I shouldn't have cheated on you. I'm sorry for that. But Stan… I'm not made for an exciting life, Daniel. I love that Stan has a stable, normal job and is home on time. I love that he gives me a beautiful home and a family to take care of. And that he takes care of me in return."

 

"Rach, I did…"

 

"No, Daniel, you didn't. Not the way I needed you to. You're dependable and you took care of me when needed. But ultimately, you need a partner who is self-reliant. You need someone strong, someone who… has your back at all times. And that… I couldn't be that. And that made me feel like such a failure."

 

They sit there for some moments, both of them silent, and when Danny finally speaks, it's not much more than a whisper.

 

"You never… during all these sessions we went to, you never said any of this."

 

"Because I was ashamed. Because I felt I was lacking. And to admit all that, even to myself, was impossible at that time."

 

Her gaze his strong, direct and clear, and for a moment he imagines what their life would have been like if she had been able to admit all these things back then. He would have tried to change himself, their situation, just to make her happy.

 

He had loved her enough for it, and he wouldn't have resented her for it. He had believed in her and in them. But maybe, Rachel hadn't. Or rather, maybe Rachel hadn't believed in herself.

 

He can't hold back the sigh that escapes him, leans forward to rest his elbows on his knees and rubs his tired eyes.

 

"You're disappointed. With me?" she asks.

 

"No. Maybe. I don't know. Mostly I'm regretful. At that time, I would have given everything just to be with you. I wish you had talked to me, because now it feels as if you had taken the decision out of my hands without consulting me. But what's done is done. I'm glad you're happy now, because ultimately, that is what you want for the people you love. And I loved you so very much."

 

He stands up, smiling slightly at her stunned face and presses a gentle kiss to her cheek.

 

"Bye, Rach. I'll see you around."

 

He's at the front door when he hears running behind him, and he turns just in time to catch Rachel in his arms before she collides with his body.

 

And then they are hugging and there are tears and Danny thinks, this… This might be the closure he's needed.

 

The closure they both needed.

 

 

*****************************

 

After that, Danny is kind of in a slump about what to do about Steve.

 

It's not as if he can just knock on Steve's door and say _Issue resolved, sex me up._ Well, okay, in theory he could but… Just no.

 

He thinks about some grand, romantic gesture, because believe it or not, one upon a time he had that stuff down but nothing comes to mind. Big romance… that's not Steve and him.

 

So, in the end he waits for their next day off, buys a six pack of beer and some steaks and drives over to Steve's were he's greeted with a big, warm smile and a quick hug.

 

And then he says exactly what he promised himself not to.

 

"Issue resolved, sex me up."

 

He freezes up right after the last word has left his mouth, and barely refrains from slapping his face.

 

He's such an idiot. Like, really. Idiot, idiot, idiot.

 

And Steve…

 

Steve stares at him wide-eyed and with his mouth slightly open.

 

Then his eyebrows start to twitch, followed by his lips.

 

And then he bends over and a deep belly laugh escapes him, one Danny has never heard before and instantly promises himself to hear more often.

 

It actually takes a few minutes for Steve to stop, and then it's probably only because he's wheezing for breath.

 

Wiping tears from his eyes, he grins at Danny for a few moments, before his expression softens into a smile.

 

"Are you sure, Danno? I'll wait for however long you need me to. You don't need to push yourself."

 

As if Danny wasn't already hopelessly gone on this ridiculous man.

Ignoring his pride, he steps closer to Steve and stands on his toes to press a quick kiss to his boss's lips.

 

" I don't want to make you wait you any longer. I don't want to make _us_ any longer. And now go and get the fire started. I got us meat and beer, so feed me and we can talk. I think we both earned that."

 

 

*****************************

 

They eat, they drink, they talk.

 

Danny would love to say that there's also making out and hot, sweaty sex, but no, it stops at the talking.

 

He's pretty sure that normally it's a no-no to talk about previous relationships, but Steve wants to know and his marriage and divorce _are_ a big part of his life, so Danny gives in and talks.

Steve listens silently and neither comments nor judges. He just nods, and afterwards stands to clean the table.

 

It's only when his elbows deep in dishwater, cleaning the plates that he speaks, not to Danny but to the water.

 

"If someday in the future… If someday in the future I'm lucky enough to have you promise me the things you did promise Rachel on your wedding day… I would promise you the same. And I would honor my promises. But one thing you never have to do, is ask me to be careful with your heart, Danny. Because to me, that goes without saying."

 

And fuck it, the two of them might not be about romantic gestures, but it seems Steve at least is all about grand, romantic declarations.

 

 

Danny will have to step up his game.

He'll get on that right after he has swallowed the damn knot in his throat and calmed his wildly beating heart.

 

  ** _  
_**

****

**_ 4 years later _ **

They're in his parents backyard and one of his cousins pulls out a fiddle and before his ohana knows what's happening, the Irish side of the Williams family is starting in on a jig that will be followed by many more this evening.

 

Never get between an Irish and his music.

 

It had meant the world to him when Steve had suggested, without any prompting on Danny's part, that they have their wedding in New Jersey. Danny had wanted his family there and it was easier for six people to travel than for a group of thirty plus.

 

He grins when he thinks of Kono's, Chin's and especially Max's faces when coming face to face with his whole clan, all having come together to celebrate. It had been a bit of a culture shock for them, he thinks, all three of them by nature calm and relaxed, and on the other side of the spectrum his family, all as lout and outspoken as Danny.

 

Steve at least had already been subjected to them a few times and knew what to expect.

 

Another song starts, this one accompanied with the first voices bellowing along, and finally he can't hide his Irish side either. And why should he? It's his wedding, he's allowed to act silly and undignified. Not that he will. He can dance, okay?

 

Grinning, he grabs Steve's hands and pulls him towards the middle of the lawn where tables have been hastily pushed to the side and where some others have already started Irish dancing.

 

He can see Gracie being whirled around by his father, both of them flushed and laughing and Chin of all people dancing with his grandmamma. Slowly but surely this wedding party is starting to resemble an actual céilí.

 

Steve laughs and halfheartedly tries to pull his hands from Danny's grip.

 

"What are you doing, Danno? I can't dance. And I certainly can't dance like _that_."

 

Danny can feel his grin broaden and with a yank he pulls Steve the last few steps, before starting to dance around him, keeping it simply for Steve and mostly whirling him around.

 

And Steve just laughs again, that deep belly laugh Danny works so hard on to hear as often as possible these days, and let's him do whatever he wants and god, they are both so _happy_.

 

An accordion sets in for the slow part of the song, must be his uncle Sean, and never letting his eyes lose contact with Steve's, he slows his dancing and instead pulls his… oh god, his _husband,_ closer and softly joins his voice with the singing that the rest of his family does.

 

_"Why would I want to not give you all that you need,  
love's unconditional without room for greed._

_I'm ten feet tall when you're by my side."_

Steve's smile is big enough to nearly split his face and his eyes are so soft that Danny can't resist kissing him anymore. As of this afternoon, they're married, husband and husband, never to be apart. It's his goddamn right to kiss his other half.

 

But then the slow part of the song is over and all around him the refrain of the song is bellowed and startled, they push apart.

 

Steve gives a small shrug, as if to say 'what the hell' _,_ and suddenly _he_ pulls Danny to his chest and starts an uncoordinated hopping that might be loosely considered Irish dancing.

 

Out of the corner of his eyes he can see that his mother managed to drag socially awkward Max out to dance and he can't see Mary and Kono, probably because they're both sampling whiskey with some of his other cousins, but who cares about them getting drunk when there's music, and laughter, and happiness and love _and most importantly Steve_ all around him.

 

And as he and Steve are whirling around, uncoordinated and barely in tact with the music, he just knows.

 

_He knows!_

This time, this happiness he's feeling will last forever.

 

 

~The End~


End file.
